He made two dried jizz jokes in the first ten minutes. Not jizz jokes, dried jizz jokes. And they were independent of one another.
Donned in a hockey jersey with “Fuck U” written on it and baggy shorts, Kevin Smith said his time on stage wasn’t “stand up,” but more of a Q&A. He was asked one early question, began talking, and before you knew it, an hour and a half had passed, and the special was over. He addressed it at the end when he said something like, “Hey, I said it was a Q&A — one ‘Q’ and one ‘A’.”
Topics included: tense interactions with Bruce Willis while filming “Cop Out” (though he kept referring to the movie by its old title, “A Couple Of Dicks”), getting ‘busted’ for weed at the Canadian border, and random moments at home with his wife. While I really thought he’d address the Southwest stuff — like, even slightly — he didn’t go there outside of an overall acknowledgement (plus, the title of the special, of course). Smith took the stage seemingly bitter, making a couple fat jokes at his own expense, but once he got his storytelling on, the mood became much more laid back.
My favorite moment was when he talked about “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” not living up to his box office expectations — even feeling like it was a failure — and Smith admitted he was trying too hard to be Judd Apatow (Apatow!). After the success of “Knocked Up”, he felt like Apatow had mainstreamed some of the crass humor Smith thought would always stay more underground. With “Zack and Miri”, Smith basically copped to trying to do that exact same thing. But he stumbled. (“With the *guy* from ‘Knocked Up’!”)
He tied the experience into a documentary he saw about hockey and Wayne Gretzky where Gretzky’s father used to tell Wayne, as a kid, “Don’t go to where the puck is, go to where the puck is going to be.” So “Zack and Miri…” was Smith’s ‘going to where the puck is’ moment. And if you want to score goals, you’ve got to see the short future a little bit better. (Though I remember liking the movie, FWIW.)
Second thing: Hard to tell what kind of relationship he has with Bruce Willis. Seemed like their on-set stuff was pretty tumultuous on “Cop Out”, but perhaps they came to an understanding toward the end. A settling respect?
Random: When he talks, Smith uses the phrase “and shit” to punctuate the end of almost every other sentence. It’s staggering how much he says it. It has a weird way of making everything sound loose. Not sure how aware he is of that expression’s frequency in his lexicon.